[Event "Stanley Random Chess: Challenge from sthorwall"]
[Site "SchemingMind.com"]
[Date "2009.09.19"]
[Round "-"]
[White "sthorwall"]
[Black "crisfole"]
[Result "1-0"]
[Variant "stanleyrandom"]
[WhiteCountry "USA"]
[BlackCountry "USA"]
[WhiteElo "1589"]
[WhiteRD "132"]
[BlackElo "1360"]
[BlackRD "264"]
[GameID "220484"]

{
sthorwall: It is a pleasure to play with you, crisfole. I myself am but a novice learner in the deep and storied ways of SRC, but I hope that my efforts of research and understanding will be of some use to you in your initiation to arguably the world's oldest game. If you'd like some starter reading material, I might suggest "An Atlantean Guide to Chess: Game of the Forgotten Gods."
}
{
sthorwall: Note that your local library will probably not carry the title, as this bare-bones sketch of the history and rules of SRC is a 436-volume set as published by modern publishing companies. Original Atlantean copies are said to have been one single volume which nearly outweighed the island itself and likely led to its destruction due to flooding from sheer water displacement. This would leave your local library with a similar problem.
}
1. b3
{
sthorwall: This might be either the Boskan Push or the Tasmanian Tip. If it's the former, you're doomed. If it's the latter, I'm doomed. I can't tell which.
}
1... e5
{
crisfole: Thank you for the warm introduction sthorwall.  I'll be glad to have the wisdom and experience you have to offer.  Although I have never personally played a game, I have observed several matches during which the referee had to spend thirteen hours for each in a series of eighteen moves simply deciding whether or not there *existed* a legal move.  I have done some research since, and as far as I am aware there have only been board positions and times (time including, of course, lunar phases, cycles of the sun, and position relative to meal time) where a game of SRC has had zero legal options even though Simplified chess had as many as six.
}
{
crisfole: I hope my attempt at using simplified chess openings won't backfire on me.  In the few games I've observed it appears to me that traditional openings and strategies are shunned by the best of the league.
}
2. Bb2
{
sthorwall: One of the main problems with "traditional" development (which is of course of the "New Traditional" school, SRC being the older of the two) is that openings used in Simplified Chess often ignore things such as modal balance, colour differentiation, and diagonal shifts, not to mention (as you pointed out) lunar phases and the like. What might look like a Sicilian system, well researched and developed by theory, may quickly show itself to be a Grecian system, which leaves a player with a rather spartan array of winning squares.
}
{
sthorwall: Here, for example, I have fianchetto'd my bishop in order to attack your apparently unprotected pawn. But if I don't pay careful attention both to tidal events on the coast of Italy (affecting the Vatican) and political events in the heart of China (affecting a quarter of the planet's population), my only legal move may be Bd4 after which exd4, falling victim to the Peasant's Revenge and losing my bishop.
}
2... Nc6
{
crisfole: I'll have to test your system myself.  Personally I prefer the Polish system (Often abbreviated: the Polska Metoda do Wygrania Szachy Stanlejego Przypadkowego, which itself is often abbreviated PMdWSSP).  Defensively speaking it often surprisingly allows for the opponent to march through "vital" territory, but then wins because the pieces feel united in their cause (usually due to religious unification, thus the heightened importance of the "bishops" also known as "priests" in the PMdWSSP system).  The goal of unification is often called "Solidarity."

The advantage of this style of play over Sicilian and even Grecian moves (Yes, I have heard of a Grecian system winning, although it usually involved runs all the way around the perimeter of the board [short two squares of course]) is that the Polish system is almost exclusively focused on its consonantal play, shunning moves it considers "vowel-like."

This system is not to be confused with the "polish" system, which is mainly used in non-correspondence play to unnerve your opponent by repeatedly cleaning your pieces.
}
{
sthorwall: Clearly you've been staying up late at night with manuscripts galore in preparation for this game.
}
3. d4
{
sthorwall: As far as I can tell, there's really only one thing for me to do in this situation:
}
{
sthorwall: Spark civil war.
}
3... f6
{
crisfole: Another important technique within the Polish system is keeping your pieces in lines wherever possible.  This comes from a long Polish tradition of waiting for products only to be told they can't have it.  It increases displeasure among the pieces which in turn increases their unity.  Here you'll notice I've moved f6 in order to keep a diagonal line from 8H to E5.  Your pawn is not considered part of the line because in the Polish system they are termed "the oppressors."
}
4. f4
{
sthorwall: If I advance my pawn to c3, I believe I will have formed the Soviet Sash defense within the Polish system. It mimics the Polish structure but, as you can see, is backed by the power of the clergy instead of a commoner in order to maintain the oppressive role. Unusual for a defense to be so oppressive, but effective nonetheless.
}
{
sthorwall: I have opted, however, to go for the Prong of Prince Mikolaj. I offer to give you a free pawn. In return, you give up your bid for political power. Erm, I mean center control.
}
{
crisfole: In keeping with the consonantal style of play in the Polish system I will play exf4.
}
4... exf4 5. d5
{
sthorwall: And I will dig my claws deeper into your territory by sending my agents forward to cause a little mischief.
}
5... h6
{
crisfole: A standard evasion technique...
}
{
crisfole: Sorry, my pawn got a little antsy.  This move was far more consonant like than moving my knight anyway.  Pg. 1355 of the wonderful reference tool (volume CCCXLVI) you mentioned earlier reminded me knights tend to convert to Judaism on Saturdays (thus honoring Sabbath) that coincide with Rosh Hashannah.
}
6. dxc6
{
sthorwall: Lucky for me my peasants are heathen.
}
6... f5
{
crisfole: It's time to transfer from the Polish opening to a more Medieval form of the Polish system, the "Drunken Peasant" position. It is traditional to keep one pawn way out front, completely unguarded as his "inhibitions" lower, and then to form a "stepladder" position for your king to climb, supposedly as a symbol of the King's desire to help his peasants.
}
{
crisfole: My apologies.  I meant to say that I was going for a more traditional SR position known as the Pacifist's Penninsula.  The goal in such a position is to form a Peasant Island, and eventually to connect it to your main-land.  Of course this is related to my Polish style of play.  Modeled after the Berlin Wall and Iron Curtain Positions which are far more aggressive and do not maintain a Consonantal or Solidarity type of play.
}
7. Qc1
{
sthorwall: My peasants don't get drunk; they just go berserk and start attacking everything they can.
}
{
sthorwall: Though clearly my queen is a tad more skittish.
}
7... Bd6
{
crisfole: Time to form another island.  THIS time in the stepladder form.
}
{
crisfole: That, however, is illegal.  I forgot that due to the SR code of honor it would be against protocol to kill a pawn so close to putting me into check.
}
8. Qd2
{
sthorwall: Well then I'll remind that lone little guy he's supposed to be berserk.
}
{
sthorwall: And when I say *I'll* remind him, I mean that my queen will edge slowly closer so that she can whisper it in his ear.
}
8... dxc6
{
crisfole: When life hands you lemons...
}
{
crisfole: Kill the attacker.
}
9. Bxg7
{
sthorwall: This is a dangerous position, and you're simply moving far too quickly. Careful you don't forget about Godamer's Quintet Equations of Gravitational Polarity in Polish SRC.
}
9... b5
{
crisfole: I don't think you realize the peril you just placed yourself in.
}
{
sthorwall: You're right. WHAT A FOOL AM I!
}
{
crisfole: Don't forget that it's against my code of honor to attack priests.
}
{
sthorwall: What about cardinals and patriarchs?
}
10. Bxh8
{
sthorwall: All your base are belong to us.
}
10... Qh4+
{
crisfole: Here I'm just gonna be offensive.  *&%^$%# You!  See.  Told you.
}
{
crisfole: Oh, and I'm also going to play offensively.  There's a LONG story I could make up (*ahem* _tell_) you, about this particular move.
}
{
sthorwall: I'm listening.
}
11. g3
{
sthorwall: If you could see the board pieces I'm using, this position would look pretty funny.
}
11... Qg4
{
crisfole: My queen must be evasive!
}
12. Bg7
{
sthorwall: Num-nums for me, please.
}
{
sthorwall: I meant that I'm cooking lunch right now. Here, have a bishop.
}
12... Qxg7
{
crisfole: Yummy.  My solidarity just went up.
}
13. gxf4
{
sthorwall: Isolated pawn! Isolated pawn! What happened to his countrymen??
}
13... c5
{
crisfole: This is called "Corner to Corner" it's a Standard SR move as far as I can tell which maintains balance.  Usually fulfilling the rules, unless of course it's the second lunar cycle of a new decade.
}
{
crisfole: Ahh.  But I forgot the defend the bishop rule!  Under secondary quadriangular positioning schemes, the bishop must be protected from northeastern pushes.
}
14. Qe3+
{
sthorwall: It's all relative. To me, it looks like a southwesterly defense. "Remember the Alamo!"
}
14... Qe5
{
crisfole: Well then.  I'll have to just charge on up that hill until I see the WHITEs of your eyes.
}
15. Qxe5+
{
sthorwall: CHEEEEYYYAAAARGE!
}
15... Bxe5
{
crisfole: Out D@mn spot!
}
{
crisfole: The queen has been unsexed.
}
16. fxe5
{
sthorwall: O_o WELL THEN YOUR BISHOP HAS BEEN DEFROCKED!
}
{
sthorwall: Cuz, you know. That's what they do to bishops who unsex queens. Politically incorrect, you know.
}
16... Ba6
{
crisfole: Time to try the "Bisopric Bailout."
}
{
crisfole: Or just move my bishop against the edge of the board...
}
17. e3
{
sthorwall: "Attack!" cried the little pawn, forsaking his king.
}
17... c6
{
crisfole: Again for St. Paul's Bereaval.
}
{
crisfole: YES!  Stanley has enforced my quadriangular attack, of course this means that my bishop is even safer than before.
}
{
sthorwall: Harumph. I had hoped to get at him with my clear and unwavering use of the Percolator Theorem: General pressure applied to a specific point or area will eventually allow the material at the initial point of penetration (relative origin) to filter through the resistive area to the target vessel.
}
{
sthorwall: But obviously I've overlooked something. Perhaps my confusion of the term "vessel" with "vassal" and the unclear distinction between decanting and recanting. This may require a pot of coffee and some more research.
}
18. Nd2 c4
{
crisfole: Time to attempt a 90 degree pawn push.  In this maneuver you get your pawns to rotate on the board, thus mirroring the east facing position of knights.
}
{
crisfole: I was hoping stanley would pick a move for me...
}
{
sthorwall: Looks like you and Stanley have achieved 90 degrees of separation.
}
19. bxc4 bxc4
{
crisfole: DIE DIE DIE!
}
20. Bxc4
{
sthorwall: AGREED AGREED AGREED!
}
{
sthorwall: Looks like the Percolator Theorem works after all.
}
20... Bxc4
{
crisfole: Here's an easy test for luck:
Throw in 2 parts of SRC and 3 parts foolhardy maneuvers.  Wait several minutes.  If you're not in checkmate at the end then you may have good luck!
}
{
sthorwall: Hobbits would be great at this game.
}
21. Nf1
{
sthorwall: Oh poo, I was afraid of something like that.
}
{
crisfole: You're materially up... I wouldn't worry about it.
}
21... Bd3
{
crisfole: There's not many things I'd be horrified by right now...
}
{
crisfole: Except of course that.
}
22. cxd3
{
sthorwall: You leave me no choice.
}
{
sthorwall: I swear I didn't choose that... maybe.
}
22... Rb8
{
crisfole: Centering the board is often important in SRC, or so I've read.  The following maneuver, titled "Sliding Castle Doors" was used in a championship match in the 1400s between a friar and a monk.  The monk, being so disgusted with the friar's clearly ambiguous, openly closed position, shouted in disgust, "You're in deep, Friar!"  On hearing his words a nearby bishop ran to the kitchens and boiled some oil.  Throwing random foods in he discovered how delicious "Deep Fried" foods were and invented the "Deep Fryer."  Bringing his creations to the unbalanced chess players the Friar saw the Sliding Rook maneuver and made it.  So were invented Sliding Doors, Deep Fried foods, and hydrogenated oils all in the same SRC match.
}
{
crisfole: By "centered" I mean "adjusted."
}
23. O-O-O
{
sthorwall: Oh, you mean like this?
}
{
sthorwall: Now my d-pawn, which was previously threatened by the potential of maladjustment via the capitulated knight-tilt on e7, is backed by the rook and thus afforded an increase in thrust coefficient relative to the triaxial pawn phalanx. I'm not concerned about the rook on h1 yet as at any point I can use a lateral rook catapult to free my position.
}
23... f4
{
crisfole: Further adjusting my Rook...
}
{
crisfole: Oh No!  I forgot the law of bilateral closing.  When a player is behind on material and attempts a antischematic lateral move an inequal parallel move is instead permitted. 
}
{
crisfole: Wow.  Can anyone say, "Screwed" ?
}
24. exf4
{
sthorwall: Let me try. "Screwed."
}
{
sthorwall: Yep, looks like I said it right.
}
{
sthorwall: Lucky for me Alfred Thayer Mahan, the influential American naval strategist, was born this day in history, 1840. Otherwise that wouldn't have worked. Though the release of the Warren Commission report may also have had something to do with it.
}
24... Kd8
{
crisfole: An attempt to recontrapuntalize the board.
}
{
crisfole: Aghh!  Even my purposely bad moves are made worse!
}
25. Kd2
{
sthorwall: Excuses, excuses.
}
25... Ne7
{
crisfole: Random maneuver!
}
26. Ne2
{
sthorwall: AGreEd!
}
26... Nd5=
{
crisfole: This board has yet some hope.  Similar positions have been recovered from in other games of SRC.  Sadly the books examining this position in the wonderful reference work you mentioned earlier sank with my library yesterday.
}
{
sthorwall: ...
}
27. f5
{
sthorwall: Your offer is gracious. But I am not. SINK 'EM, BOYS!
}
27... a6
{
crisfole: AHH.
}
{
crisfole: That was a traditional battle cry.  It allowed me to use non-standard Standard Chess moves during a SRC match.  It can't be called upon during days of the week ending with a 'y'.
}
28. Ra1
{
sthorwall: I just dare you to try to capture that pawn. Go ahead. Try it.
}
28... Rb5
{
crisfole: Gee!  Now I feel threatened!  I guess I'll just respond with this!
}
{
crisfole: Just in case your rook was a drunk bishop in disguise.
}
{
crisfole: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvNZE3XsFyA&feature=channel

Check this guy out...pretty good.
}
29. Ne3 Rb1
{
crisfole: Let's see if this pony has a rider...
}
{
crisfole: WHAT!?  Stanley hates me here.
}
30. Raxb1
{
sthorwall: Stanley is everywhere. Well, at least when he's out of his cage.
}
30... Ne7 31. Rb2
{
sthorwall: Could it be?
}
{
sthorwall: It is! The famous Steiner-Rocklieb feint. I couldn't remember whether this was the right latitude and the right social temperature in which to play it, but it appears so! White's position is now fortified ten-fold. I was very close to losing this game, but now I should be okay.
}
31... Nxf5
{
crisfole: I call on Stanley to save my knight.
}
{
sthorwall: Boo!
}
32. Nxf5
{
sthorwall: Yay!
}
32... Kc7
{
crisfole: It's a mad dash to the finish line now!
}
33. e6
{
sthorwall: Maybe I should be stalling to see if Vollenhauser conditions set in... They haven't for years, but it's worth a shot.
}
33... c5 34. Rbb1 Kc6
{
crisfole: ChAAAaaarge......
}
35. Ned4+
{
sthorwall: Retreeeaaaat!
}
{
sthorwall: NO NO NO, I SAID RETREAT!
}
35... cxd4
{
crisfole: Does Stanley love me? (An existential question...
}
{
crisfole: Yes, Stanley loves me.  Yes, Stanley loves me.  Yes, Stanley loves me.  The webmaster tells me so.
}
{
crisfole: (A small only slightly iffy heresy)
}
36. Nxd4+
{
sthorwall: Daaaanger.
}
36... Kd6
{
crisfole: Run away!
}
37. Rbe1
{
sthorwall: Sorry, mate. Just couldn't put you in check, mate.
}
37... Kd5
{
crisfole: Attack!
}
38. Re4
{
sthorwall: *crosses fingers*
}
38... a5
{
sthorwall: hooray! It was legal! Most likely, Stanley is compensating me for my shredded groin. (Note to lookers-on: IRL, I have actually pulled my groin muscle. This is not some metaphor, innuendo, dirty comment, etc.)
}
{
sthorwall: I sure hope your king pulls his groin.
}
39. e7 a4 40. a3 h5
{
crisfole: Crawling toward the finish line...
}
41. e8=Q
{
sthorwall: Go, little man, go!
}
{
sthorwall: Little man became a woman!
}
41... h4
{
crisfole: You have a mate in one.  I offer this short prayer to Stanley:
Oh Stanley if there is any reason in your madness, would you please allow Sean to kill me.  It would mean an awful lot to me.

-Chris
}
42. Qc6#
{
sthorwall: Good game, Chris.  Clearly you are well on your way to a thorough understanding of SRC scholarship. I appreciate the endeavor you clearly undertook in researching our games and the arising positions.  Till next time-
~Sean
}
1-0

